Meet Parker

Parker is now about 7 months old. Her stay in our place has given her a renewed zest for life and a forever home. She has become so comfortable that she likes to play bite excessively. Fate brought us together. Pray for years of more puppy love to come.

Puppy rescued. Love finds me again.

After months of self searching and asking, help came asking again and I needed someone in my life too. I've been asking myself when should I get a dog again and will I do it? Kept inquiring at animal welfare shelters, but something kept me from adopting and fostering, out of the trauma that happened with Cisca. I kept asking and asking and looking back to where and what I could do better. At sometime yesterday, I resolved not to get a dog until I had my own place.

But you know, when someone needs you, your heart tingles with empathy and compassion to someone in need. Helping it is one of the joyful things in the world. I have been giving food to people forced to beg by crime syndicates in Manila and it feels good. The other night, as we went home at night, I noticed a rustling of a white ghost of fur. I saw a poor puppy chained to a tree, barely able to move. I felt so sad about it. I wanted to help it and free it from the cruelty it was enduring.

I tried to do everything in my power to free it. I called animal welfare groups but having them rescue the dog was too tedious and risky. It involved me filing a case against the owner. I don't like suing and putting people in bars. I thought of the backlash it would involve and that perhaps the person was just ignorant and poor. My family wouldn't let me report the case or photograph the puppy to get help. They kept putting me down and destroying my self-esteem for something that was selfless.

Finally, this morning, I decided just to feed the puppy. While I was feeding it, the person next to me noticed it. I asked him who owned the puppy. It was a poor man who was ignorant that he was hurting a poor soul. But he was a reasonable and honest man. I gave him the few cash that I have to buy the puppy. I took the puppy in and called for help from animal welfare. CARA will be helping me get the puppy checked out at a professional vet clinic. After that, I am officially turning ownership of the puppy to PAWS (who will provide me with medicines and food), but retain guardianship as his foster parent.

The puppy is a boy named Scott Free. Named after the alter-ego/real identity of the superhero "Mister Miracle" who became the ultimate escape artist by trying persistently to escape captivity by his tormentors in his whole childhood. If only I could send you pictures now. He's adoring his new surroundings, even sleeping belly up in comfort.

Must Love Dogs.

Adopt and donate food at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter. The dogs are starving there.

I just saw a post from Help MAS. The local government has not being feeding or taking care of the dogs in the shelter. If you have the heart to help, donate dog food or adopt if you have room for a dog at home. The dogs there aren't being fed. Help MAS does not accept cash donations. Please give sacks or dog food. Whichever you can provide. Like Help MAS on Facebook and you'll see the conditions the dogs at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter are. I'm considering fast-tracking my plans to adopt a dog or two. All they need is food.

Doubts and Needing Love

Tonight, I find myself lonely and doubtful. Should I get another shelter dog, if I have the money, only to endure the blame and the pain, should he/she pass away early? Or should I buy a purebred? At least I would be spared the blame should a tragedy occurs. I'm also thinking of cutting down my time on my advocacies for myself. I should be more selfish, I feel. I just wish Cisca was still alive today. Maybe I'd forget all these pain within me. I feel like I'm regressing and relapsing again. This has been a cruel year for me. I wish to be spared more of the heartbreak. I just want to be loved again.

A Prayer for those who have lost in the wake of Typhoon Haiyan

Our country, the Philippines was rocked hard by the strongest storm ever recorded in history. Many lives were lost. The estimate is about 10,000 People perished. If you have the heart to help, donate at UNICEF and other international organizations who will be operating in the area. We're quite safe in Manila, but imaging the suffering of the survivors and those who have lost loved ones. Please pray for our brothers and sisters in the Visayas, especially in Tacloban City

Life After Cisca

Accepting Cisca's departure from my life has been hard. Each time anything reminds me of her, a part of me gets heart broken. The loneliness of life without her has been tremendous. At times I still find myself blaming me for what I could've missed out. I find it hard to think of myself adopting or fostering another dog. Sometime I think of buying from a breeder instead of adopting again, afraid of being blamed by the welfare society of neglecting my dog, or letting people down. I also worry that what happened to Cisca may repeat itself, even though there were nothing hazardous at home and I was 100% responsible and attentive to her needs.

I was at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter again this morning to afternoon. I kept looking at the dogs which needed a forever home. I kept asking myself: Do I have enough to take care of one? Will my finances permit, after losing so much money on Cisca's medical bills? There is an emptiness within me, wanting to have a dog into my life again.

I often debate within myself at the option of buying from a breeder. Do I get a Jack Russell like Cisca or a Golden Retriever puppy, one that I've fantasized for a long time. Do I have the energy and time to have a needy and energetic dog like Cisca? Or should I opt for the quiet and affectionate one?

I keep thinking and wishing I still had Cisca. Maybe everything happens for a reason? Cisca healed me and brought me closer to God. I've been meeting people getting me to believe in God again and rekindled a friendship with someone who gives me wise words about faith. I just trust that God will let me find puppy love again, this time to last a doggy life time.

Saying goodbye to Cisca (and a sabbatical from the Cisca Chronicles)

I watched in pain and defeat as the most precious being to come to my life struggled breathing, to get to her feet and kept wheezing. Cisca may pass away while I sleep tonight. Only a miracle from God will bring a happy ending in our lives. In our short time together, she pulled me out of the madness of Schizo-Affective Disorder (a very debilitating and painful illness with aspects of both Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder). She loved me like no one did. I never felt loved or had loved anyone else but her. I remember her tending to my pains and anguish with her yelps, barks and play bites. She had a way of getting me through those dark moments in my life.

Each day was like an adventure with her. I'd wake up early to give her medicines, walk her frequently, play with her outside or in our room, with her doggie bed. She always wanted to explore. It was as if everything was new to her. She made lots of people adore her (and in a way they adored me). I was overly concerned for her fur and skin. Even her appetite was a problem. She was a very picky eater.

I have no regrets in adopting Cisca over buying a male Golden Retriever puppy (my dream pet). I wanted to save and love someone. I wanted her to have the best that the world could offer. I did that and more. I honestly kept her from harmful and toxic things. I Kept watch of her every day. I think I spent only 6 to 7 hours to myself, including sleep.

I'll be away for a while. This may or may not be the last of the Cisca Chronicles. I'll know it was worth it, giving everything to someone without asking anything back and she gave more than what I needed. I love my Ishbu. We'll see each other in heaven with Cassandra, Laika and Rover.

Volunteering at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter. Adopt a dog there!

Trying to divert my attention and do something constructive, I decided to volunteer at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter this afternoon. I had learned of its weekend volunteer program a few days ago. I wanted to do something extra for doggie kind and society. The head of its operations Li-An is doing an admirable job, despite the few resources offered to her, unlike the big welfare societies in the Philippines. Keeping stray dogs off the streets to save them from being turned into someone's beer snack or preventing them from situations where they would attack vulnerable humans is a must in this imperfect world.

There were so many dog I saw, in need of a better place and lots of love to calm them in stressful situations. I hope someone else would have the heart to adopt these dogs. If Cisca's situation gets better and once I have the financial sources, I plan to adopt a small friendly dog for Cisca to play with. She needs a companion more than ever to divert her attention from me whenever I have to be somewhere else. It's an option I'm considering.

This makes me think of the irresponsible breeders and puppy mills running in our country and in the US. I remember seeing a lovely Golden Retriever puppy stuck in a glass cage for most of the day in the malls. I can say the same thing for pet stores in  popular markets across the city, where profit over affection has won over. It also opened my eyes to the necessity of spay and neuter responsibility of dog owners to minimize strays from the streets. During my time at MAS, a man was asking how much the dogs in the cage were for eating. It was worsened by the fact that he had a dog with him. There is indeed evil in this world.

These dogs need your attention and parenting. Left all alone but with each other, some lose hope and soon become jaded of human affection. The reason dogs evolved from Wolves was because of human care and partnership. I think we're evolving into a more sinister species. I'll return tomorrow and during other weekends depending on Cisca's condition. I pray I can financially handle Cisca's medical and overall needs and have some left over for a playmate. Search them at facebook: Help Mandaluyong Animal Shelter. Every action you give saves multitudes of lives of these strays.

The day ended like a storybook. A stray puppy, who had been rescued only a day ago, found his forever home, by Mary Grace Domingo, a first time volunteer who had lost her dog only days ago. She had named him Thor due to his noblity and kindness in the face of a depressing situation. Here's to having more dogs adopted at MAS!

Preparing for Cisca's last return

As a parent, one of the worst things to experience is to learn that your child is dying. With pets, its a given, we outlast them 10 years to One approximately. But when it happens sudden and unexpected, as if she's being taken from you during her childhood years, that's when it becomes tragic.

Cisca seems to be on her final days. Her kidney problems which may have developed over the years and due to old age, may be catching up with her. I'd just like to make her final days as happy as it can be for her. I've never loved someone in my entire life and no one has touched my life and made that much of an impact on that short time than her.

They say love is letting go and letting things be. This may be the most bitter of loves I've ever had. I wuv my Ishbu.

Get updated on The Cisca Chronicles on Twitter!

I made a twitter account for me, Cisca and wherever my dog loving adventures send me. Follow me at: https://twitter.com/CiscaChronicles.

Cisca's finally eating.

I was so worried about my little Ishbu a while ago. I wondered how she was, almost alone in the climnic. I called the clinic and spoke to an assistant (the vets were out for the holiday). I was elated to hear that Cisca ate a little. Things are getting better. I miss you, old girl!

A life without dogs.

I've been feeling the blues lately. Without Cisca at home and with the knowledge that she's gravely sick, I'm starting to have a scenario of having a life without a dog. I really can't imagine what kind of life it would be. I was miserable and grew maddened without my Cassandra. To face life without your best friend is just plain harrowing. Should I love and adopt again? Do I have the time for a career and a dog?

Cisca took most of my time, and I thank her for that. However I'd like to go forward with my career. But when Cicsa get's back, I'll devote more than 100% of my time with her. I'm scared of seeing her convulse again. I really don't know if I should go ahead with life with a shelter dog. I feel so conflicted. Maybe I need more time to think this through. I know that this is a test from God. He's testing to see how committed I am to loving someone. Cisca, I won't give up on you.

Cisca update 10/31/2013

Cisca has to be in the clinic until Saturday. I wish she'd stay more just to be sure she's okay. I just learned that she's a really old dog, which is probably why her kidneys are failing. She still doesn't want to eat. I visited her earlier. Her eyes lit up when she saw me. My old girl's childlike fascination for the world continues. She appears to be strong. I just wish she'd eat.

I met new friends earlier a couple, +Aaron Mamiit  and +Jeng Mamiit. They were so nice to Cisca. They brought her a doggie cake and treats. I adore their four dogs. By the way I might be volunteering at the @Mandaluyong Animal Shelter, to feed the homeless and vulnerable dogs there. The people who run this place are admirable. They run it as purely volunteer and do not ask for cash at all. I'll post something about them soon.

Cisca's back at the vet, I'm blaming myself.

Last night Cisca convulsed. She was very sick when  she got home. I knew she should have stayed for days at the vet clinic. It was such a tragic event for me. I keep asking myself where I went wrong. I kept her healthy, fed her, bathed and give her meds. My family and other people will blame me. It will always be my fault. Everything I do is wrong. Even to rescue a shelter dog. They all wanted me to buy a Golden Retriever and they promised they would support me, but when it came to adopting a shelter dog, all those promises of support and financial help went away.

I'm in the middle of blaming myself and getting angry at others who didn't care enough for me this year. A lot of things were done to me by my family. It was very savage and cruel. Now they neglected me and tried to make me feel bad while I tried to make ends meet and support a loving and sweet creature like Cisca.

I'll be the goat, I'll be the villain in the end, like the way it's always been in my country., I live in a country where people like to pull each other down, to make themselves feel good, or to divert their inadequacies or incompetence to others.

All I can say is I tried my best. I really did try my best. I gave her more than what my world could offer. I have no regrets in adopting Cisca. I loved, cared and was 100% responsible to her solely. I'll remember her fondly. Maybe one day, when my heart has mended, I'll foster a dog or two who are about to get euthanized. Cisca may possibly be gone, but our story remains.

Cisca's back home

We got Cisca back home from the veterinary clinic. She still seems weak and picky about her food. We may just offer her the dry dog food that we have here until she caves in. I'm under pressure to return her, but I'm staying strong and committed to her. As doggie parents we want what's best for our pups and yet a part of us can't let go. I have to stick it with her no matter what. I'll get her to eat. We both deserve all the best love in the world.

Waking up without Cisca

I had a crummy but deep sleep last night. I woke up later than usual, 7 AM. There was nothing to wake up for. No bowls to be cleaned, food to be prepared and long walks. When I go downstairs, the terrace room will be empty. I won't see those puppy dog eyes peer at me, or those yelps asking to be walked or played with. This feels so different and we've only had a day removed from each other.

Later we'll be hearing from BSF of how Cisca is doing now. I really hope she comes back. The house is lonelier and lifeless without her. My life is meaningless too. I need to love and take care of someone like her. You can't find that in humans. To feel the touch for her tongue and the sensation of her play bites. It's all that I want back.

Empty

The house seems lifeless and dull without Cisca. I feel a void in the room where she usually is. Earlier I mistook the white chair inside for her. Everything seems so silent and solemn. I hope she's doing well in the veterinary clinic. She seemed to still be strong when we took her. I guess the timing of our adoption was just right. She could have died of the continued Ivermectin shots applied to her where she was being taken care of before. I just miss her.

I seem hollow inside. The joy and excitement has faded out. My responsibilities and the feeling of being loved  and needed are gone. I wish she was here and in perfect health. I feel numb right now. I need her love, her yelps to go out to relieve herself. All the joys and pains of puppy parenthood are gone. I still dream about her, that she's be back healthy, this week. Our dog food for her kidney maintenance is going to cost us 700 Philippine Pesos per two weeks. Ouch. I think it'll be for a lifetime. It's worth the price. I shouldn't have played "Come What May" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack on youtube yesterday. I know God has a plan for us. I just have to trust him with whatever happens.

When saying goodbye comes...

Cisca seems gravely ill. She's currently confined at a veterinary clinic for kidney poisoning. We've only been together for a few weeks and she's changed so much in me. She's saved me from the madness of life. Last night, I decided to sneak her into my room and sleep. After hearing the possbility that she may not get back, I've resigned myself to grief. The Cisca Chronicles will still continue with my past experiences with dogs and promote adopting shelter dogs. She'll be a huge void to fill. If ever she'll come back with a clean bill of health (and load of food expenses for her kidney), I'd be the happiest man in the world. Please pray for her.

Please pray for Cisca. She's a bit under the weather

Cisca's been weak and hasn't had an appetite lately. She's been barfing a lot. Please pray she gets well. We're sending her to the vet tomorrow.

Cisca's officially my Forever best friend/ Our success story at caraphil.org

http://www.caraphil.org/mainsite/2013/10/28/francisca/

Cisca is officially in her forever home. CARA (Compassion and Responsibility for Animals) has posted our success story on their website. I found CARA out when I was looking to volunteer just to contribute to society months ago. I was supposed to go to another animal shleter but it was too far. The people I've befriended in CARA, Tanya Guerrero, Nancy Cu Unjieng and Vimla are very passionate about giving our unfortunate furry friends a 2nd chance. If you have the heart to help, heal or rescued an unfortunate creature do so here or at any of your nearby animal welfare centers.