Meet Parker

Parker is now about 7 months old. Her stay in our place has given her a renewed zest for life and a forever home. She has become so comfortable that she likes to play bite excessively. Fate brought us together. Pray for years of more puppy love to come.

Puppy rescued. Love finds me again.

After months of self searching and asking, help came asking again and I needed someone in my life too. I've been asking myself when should I get a dog again and will I do it? Kept inquiring at animal welfare shelters, but something kept me from adopting and fostering, out of the trauma that happened with Cisca. I kept asking and asking and looking back to where and what I could do better. At sometime yesterday, I resolved not to get a dog until I had my own place.

But you know, when someone needs you, your heart tingles with empathy and compassion to someone in need. Helping it is one of the joyful things in the world. I have been giving food to people forced to beg by crime syndicates in Manila and it feels good. The other night, as we went home at night, I noticed a rustling of a white ghost of fur. I saw a poor puppy chained to a tree, barely able to move. I felt so sad about it. I wanted to help it and free it from the cruelty it was enduring.

I tried to do everything in my power to free it. I called animal welfare groups but having them rescue the dog was too tedious and risky. It involved me filing a case against the owner. I don't like suing and putting people in bars. I thought of the backlash it would involve and that perhaps the person was just ignorant and poor. My family wouldn't let me report the case or photograph the puppy to get help. They kept putting me down and destroying my self-esteem for something that was selfless.

Finally, this morning, I decided just to feed the puppy. While I was feeding it, the person next to me noticed it. I asked him who owned the puppy. It was a poor man who was ignorant that he was hurting a poor soul. But he was a reasonable and honest man. I gave him the few cash that I have to buy the puppy. I took the puppy in and called for help from animal welfare. CARA will be helping me get the puppy checked out at a professional vet clinic. After that, I am officially turning ownership of the puppy to PAWS (who will provide me with medicines and food), but retain guardianship as his foster parent.

The puppy is a boy named Scott Free. Named after the alter-ego/real identity of the superhero "Mister Miracle" who became the ultimate escape artist by trying persistently to escape captivity by his tormentors in his whole childhood. If only I could send you pictures now. He's adoring his new surroundings, even sleeping belly up in comfort.

Must Love Dogs.

Adopt and donate food at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter. The dogs are starving there.

I just saw a post from Help MAS. The local government has not being feeding or taking care of the dogs in the shelter. If you have the heart to help, donate dog food or adopt if you have room for a dog at home. The dogs there aren't being fed. Help MAS does not accept cash donations. Please give sacks or dog food. Whichever you can provide. Like Help MAS on Facebook and you'll see the conditions the dogs at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter are. I'm considering fast-tracking my plans to adopt a dog or two. All they need is food.

Doubts and Needing Love

Tonight, I find myself lonely and doubtful. Should I get another shelter dog, if I have the money, only to endure the blame and the pain, should he/she pass away early? Or should I buy a purebred? At least I would be spared the blame should a tragedy occurs. I'm also thinking of cutting down my time on my advocacies for myself. I should be more selfish, I feel. I just wish Cisca was still alive today. Maybe I'd forget all these pain within me. I feel like I'm regressing and relapsing again. This has been a cruel year for me. I wish to be spared more of the heartbreak. I just want to be loved again.

A Prayer for those who have lost in the wake of Typhoon Haiyan

Our country, the Philippines was rocked hard by the strongest storm ever recorded in history. Many lives were lost. The estimate is about 10,000 People perished. If you have the heart to help, donate at UNICEF and other international organizations who will be operating in the area. We're quite safe in Manila, but imaging the suffering of the survivors and those who have lost loved ones. Please pray for our brothers and sisters in the Visayas, especially in Tacloban City

Life After Cisca

Accepting Cisca's departure from my life has been hard. Each time anything reminds me of her, a part of me gets heart broken. The loneliness of life without her has been tremendous. At times I still find myself blaming me for what I could've missed out. I find it hard to think of myself adopting or fostering another dog. Sometime I think of buying from a breeder instead of adopting again, afraid of being blamed by the welfare society of neglecting my dog, or letting people down. I also worry that what happened to Cisca may repeat itself, even though there were nothing hazardous at home and I was 100% responsible and attentive to her needs.

I was at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter again this morning to afternoon. I kept looking at the dogs which needed a forever home. I kept asking myself: Do I have enough to take care of one? Will my finances permit, after losing so much money on Cisca's medical bills? There is an emptiness within me, wanting to have a dog into my life again.

I often debate within myself at the option of buying from a breeder. Do I get a Jack Russell like Cisca or a Golden Retriever puppy, one that I've fantasized for a long time. Do I have the energy and time to have a needy and energetic dog like Cisca? Or should I opt for the quiet and affectionate one?

I keep thinking and wishing I still had Cisca. Maybe everything happens for a reason? Cisca healed me and brought me closer to God. I've been meeting people getting me to believe in God again and rekindled a friendship with someone who gives me wise words about faith. I just trust that God will let me find puppy love again, this time to last a doggy life time.

Saying goodbye to Cisca (and a sabbatical from the Cisca Chronicles)

I watched in pain and defeat as the most precious being to come to my life struggled breathing, to get to her feet and kept wheezing. Cisca may pass away while I sleep tonight. Only a miracle from God will bring a happy ending in our lives. In our short time together, she pulled me out of the madness of Schizo-Affective Disorder (a very debilitating and painful illness with aspects of both Schizophrenia and Bipolar Disorder). She loved me like no one did. I never felt loved or had loved anyone else but her. I remember her tending to my pains and anguish with her yelps, barks and play bites. She had a way of getting me through those dark moments in my life.

Each day was like an adventure with her. I'd wake up early to give her medicines, walk her frequently, play with her outside or in our room, with her doggie bed. She always wanted to explore. It was as if everything was new to her. She made lots of people adore her (and in a way they adored me). I was overly concerned for her fur and skin. Even her appetite was a problem. She was a very picky eater.

I have no regrets in adopting Cisca over buying a male Golden Retriever puppy (my dream pet). I wanted to save and love someone. I wanted her to have the best that the world could offer. I did that and more. I honestly kept her from harmful and toxic things. I Kept watch of her every day. I think I spent only 6 to 7 hours to myself, including sleep.

I'll be away for a while. This may or may not be the last of the Cisca Chronicles. I'll know it was worth it, giving everything to someone without asking anything back and she gave more than what I needed. I love my Ishbu. We'll see each other in heaven with Cassandra, Laika and Rover.