Accepting Cisca's departure from my life has been hard. Each time anything reminds me of her, a part of me gets heart broken. The loneliness of life without her has been tremendous. At times I still find myself blaming me for what I could've missed out. I find it hard to think of myself adopting or fostering another dog. Sometime I think of buying from a breeder instead of adopting again, afraid of being blamed by the welfare society of neglecting my dog, or letting people down. I also worry that what happened to Cisca may repeat itself, even though there were nothing hazardous at home and I was 100% responsible and attentive to her needs.
I was at the Mandaluyong Animal Shelter again this morning to afternoon. I kept looking at the dogs which needed a forever home. I kept asking myself: Do I have enough to take care of one? Will my finances permit, after losing so much money on Cisca's medical bills? There is an emptiness within me, wanting to have a dog into my life again.
I often debate within myself at the option of buying from a breeder. Do I get a Jack Russell like Cisca or a Golden Retriever puppy, one that I've fantasized for a long time. Do I have the energy and time to have a needy and energetic dog like Cisca? Or should I opt for the quiet and affectionate one?
I keep thinking and wishing I still had Cisca. Maybe everything happens for a reason? Cisca healed me and brought me closer to God. I've been meeting people getting me to believe in God again and rekindled a friendship with someone who gives me wise words about faith. I just trust that God will let me find puppy love again, this time to last a doggy life time.
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