Doubts and Needing Love

Tonight, I find myself lonely and doubtful. Should I get another shelter dog, if I have the money, only to endure the blame and the pain, should he/she pass away early? Or should I buy a purebred? At least I would be spared the blame should a tragedy occurs. I'm also thinking of cutting down my time on my advocacies for myself. I should be more selfish, I feel. I just wish Cisca was still alive today. Maybe I'd forget all these pain within me. I feel like I'm regressing and relapsing again. This has been a cruel year for me. I wish to be spared more of the heartbreak. I just want to be loved again.