Last night Cisca convulsed. She was very sick when she got home. I knew she should have stayed for days at the vet clinic. It was such a tragic event for me. I keep asking myself where I went wrong. I kept her healthy, fed her, bathed and give her meds. My family and other people will blame me. It will always be my fault. Everything I do is wrong. Even to rescue a shelter dog. They all wanted me to buy a Golden Retriever and they promised they would support me, but when it came to adopting a shelter dog, all those promises of support and financial help went away.
I'm in the middle of blaming myself and getting angry at others who didn't care enough for me this year. A lot of things were done to me by my family. It was very savage and cruel. Now they neglected me and tried to make me feel bad while I tried to make ends meet and support a loving and sweet creature like Cisca.
I'll be the goat, I'll be the villain in the end, like the way it's always been in my country., I live in a country where people like to pull each other down, to make themselves feel good, or to divert their inadequacies or incompetence to others.
All I can say is I tried my best. I really did try my best. I gave her more than what my world could offer. I have no regrets in adopting Cisca. I loved, cared and was 100% responsible to her solely. I'll remember her fondly. Maybe one day, when my heart has mended, I'll foster a dog or two who are about to get euthanized. Cisca may possibly be gone, but our story remains.
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